Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The List for 2009

Outstanding achievements in human political endeavor for 2009, compiled by this not-so-humble blogger:

Best Portrayal of Stupidity by a Group: the Teabaggers
--"I do not think that word means what you think it means."
First Runner-up: Congressional Republicans
Second Runner-up: Congressional Democrats
Best Portrayal of Stupidity by an Individual: Glen Beck
"I'm sorry...I just love my country."
--What country is that? Pre-apartheid South Africa?

Worst Impersonation of a Human Being: Dick Cheney
"Blah blah blah, Obama wrong & weak, me right, FEAR FEAR FEAR!"
--Please, "Dick," fly back to Hell soon, your demonic minions miss you.

Best Impersonation of a Slave or Minion:
Liz Cheney
"I saves yuh, Miz Scarlett!"
--Child abuse? None dare speak its name!

Liar of the Year
(the winner in a close race): Sarah Palin
"Obama death panels."
--Just wait until you're on private insurance, honey, then you'll see who really runs those "death panels!" Hint: they also own the...
First Runner-Up: Joe Lieberman
"PLEASE let me keep my chairmanship; I'll be good!"
--Harry Reid should have asked, "good to whom?"

Second Runner-Up: for astroturfing the teabag parties, Dick Armey
Third Runners-Up: Congressional Republicans
Hypocrite of the Year: Carrie Prejean
"What sex tapes?"
--Hey, when your boobs, teeth, and god knows what else were paid for by third parties, STFU is considered mandatory.
First Runners-Up (in a 3-way tie): Mark Sanford, John Ensign, and John Edwards
Best Impersonation of an Impartial Journalist: David Gregory
"Newt, thanks for appearing for the twelfth time on Meet the Press."
--Appearances in 2009 on MtP by Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi: 0.

Best Put-Down of the Year: Barney Frank
In response to a teabagger (and closet LaRouchie) asking how he could "continue to support a Nazi policy, as Obama has expressly supported," Rep Frank responded:
"Ma'am, on which planet do you spend most of your time?"

Best Insurgent: for taking over the Republican Party, Rush Limbaugh

Best Minstrel Show:
Michael Steele

Poltroon of the Year:
Joe Wilson
"You lie!"
--No, you lie, you stupid sonofabitch!

Whackjob of the Year: Orly Taitz
(This should be self-explanatory.)


2009's Batshit-Crazy Award goes to:
Michele Bachmann
--For examples too numerous to list, proving definitively that a direct connection exists between her mouth and her asshole, with no cerebral matter intervening whatsoever.
First Runner-Up: Glen Beck
Second Runner-Up: Virginia Fox

The 2009 Award for Almost Meeting Expectations goes to: Barack Obama

Happy New Year, folks!!

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